What does that word mean to you? Does it mean you failed? Does it mean you got slammed to the ground and now you can’t find the strength to stand? Or, does it mean a misstep, something temporary that pushed you around a little? Or, does it mean growth, a fire under the butt to prove you can get back up and try again?
I know we all feel defeat at some points in our lives. Some more than others. Some decide that they are not strong enough to get back up and stay in a state of defeat indefinitely. I see others take their defeat and throw it like a shot-put across a football field as far away from them as possible. Then, there are those few souls who take their defeat, look it straight in the eye, and make it feel its own defeat until it collapses and is no more.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been through all three. I’ve been down and out for long periods of time until I decide enough is enough. I throw defeat as far away from me as possible and “hope” it doesn’t come back. And, I’ve now discovered I can stare defeat down and make it my bitch. Excuse the language, but sometimes a direct, not-so-fluffy response is necessary.
I’m in the midst of staring defeat down right now. I’m pushing hard. I’m learning every avenue I can to challenge the defeat and make it weak. Weak enough that it falls to the ground and melts into the earth. Leaving me with my head held high and a confidence to know how to push through tough times, tough thoughts, and tough situations.
Alcohol was like that for me for a very long time. I tried so hard to throw it as far away from me as I possibly could. I’d stand proud thinking I defeated it, that “this time” would be the time it wouldn’t come crawling back. I can’t tell you how many times I threw it away from me. But the last time, the last time I threw it, I didn’t have the energy to throw it far, and it kept me down for quite a long time. Long enough that my body suffered, my relationships suffered, my job started to suffer. I was suffering. Until I wasn’t.
I stood up one day. I stood up, looked defeat in its sad, ugly face and said no more. I challenged it all day every day. I learned how to defeat it by learning tools for when I felt weak and it was clamoring to climb back up and into my life. I learned how it affected my whole being internally and externally. I became strong, confident, empowered, and…I fell in love with ME. The most powerful gift I gave myself and the most powerful enemy of defeat.
It is true that there are times that we have to accept that we were wrong or beaten by another in some race or some project. That does not mean we are powerless to grow from that defeat and put it in its rightful place. It does not mean what you were trying to accomplish will never happen. It just may look a little (or a lot!) different than you originally planned. That, is not defeat.
I challenge you all to look at what you feel defeated within your life right now. Is it something easy that you can course correct and let it melt into the ground? Or is it something that you have been struggling with for a long time and know you need help and support to become strong again to look your defeat in the face and make it crumble? Are you ready to love yourself again, or maybe for the first time ever?
We all have it in us to conquer our defeat. If you need support or an advocate, let me be the first to say “how can I help?”