What crazy, unique hobby do you have that everyone around you thinks is absolutely nuts, terrifying, or absolutely fabulous? I’ve been told my doll collection (seen behind me is about two thirds of my collection), by many folks that it is nuts, terrifying, and absolutely fabulous.
What makes one collection so very different to different people? What draws people to them and what, quite literally, makes them run in horror? It’s the Kewpies that get most people. My little (and some big!) angelic cherubs with a hair dollop on top of their head and their innocent eyes either gazing right or left. To me, they are the sweetest, most innocent of my dolls, yet they are the ones that terrify so many. Others are fascinated by the sheer amount of dolls I have, and that alone, makes it fabulous, fun, and unique.
I believe we can equate this to people, too. Don’t you think? To one person, someone may look to be the sweetest, most innocent of humans. But to someone else, they may seem like the devil. How is it that we can be so different to others, yet feel the same and no different to ourselves? Do we project different personalities without even realizing it? Do some see our innocence from the outside, but others feel something more dark beneath? What about my actual “creepy” dolls like Sasha (the one with no eyes who sings Silent Night), or Chucky and his Bride? They seem menacing from the outside, but what lies beneath could be complete innocence. In this regard, people will fear others that look menacing or angry on the outside and won’t go near them, let alone interact with them. Yet, others can sense that their looks are not who they really are on the inside and will go near and will interact with them.
Addiction can be like this. The Sasha. The Chucky. We see the addict on the outside. We see their pain. We see the ugliness of what controls them. We see their sadness and want of a better life. We also tend not to go near them. We tend to not want to interact with them. They scare us. We think that they are bad or evil. We have to remember that they weren’t always like this. They were innocent kids, or teenagers, or even adults. Some life trauma event happened where they needed to numb their pain or grief. They thought that alcohol or other substances could help relax them so they didn’t have to think about it. Before they know it, they lose control of their use of alcohol or other substance. Their life may spin out of control which makes their use even worse. No-one wants to be here. No-one wants to be an addict.
Or addiction can be like this. The Kewpie. We see someone who is a high-functioning, intelligent, athletic person who has their shit together. Yet, they too, had a life trauma that started them spinning out of control with alcohol or some other substance. It may take longer for them to feel out of control because they haven’t lost their job or family. They haven’t gotten a DUI or been thrown in jail. Yet, they find themselves drinking every day. They all of a sudden find themselves drinking more and more. Possibly having blackouts. Not remembering things they do, things they’ve said, how they got home. They may be the lucky ones who can figure it out on their own and get help.
Either way, it's a ridiculously hard road back to pre-addict. People need help to guide them back. They need joyful connections from their friends and family and people willing to look beyond the outer shell. If you know anyone in active addiction, make sure to look beyond the shell. Look beyond the desperation and anguish - or what you think may be a perfect life - and know there is a pre-addict in there waiting to come back. Be a joyful connection for them. If you cannot, find someone who can. xoxo