Reclaiming My Moxie
Let me tell you a little story.
When I was a budding, carefree girl, I wanted to be “that” puppeteer on Sesame Street. I wanted to pretend with fun, colorful, furry critters, making them come to life... giving them “moxie.” I remembered the wonder I had while I watched, mesmerized by how the characters spoke and sang. How they moved. How they interacted with one another. The puppets always had their story of who they are and their colorful personalities brought to life. There were also the stories and interactions with one another and other humans that taught a lesson on how to be a better person. How to say you're sorry if you hurt someone. How please and thank you went a very long way. Teaching respect for others even if they were not like us or we didn't agree with them. While I didn’t end up pursuing that dream, I always had that moxie within me. That spark. That unicorn spirit.
Adulthood came along a lot quicker than I thought it would. I'm an only child, so I always felt a little "older" than most kids my age. Purely from the standpoint of having four first cousins, all older, and on my mom's side, no other children, I had to communicate in adult settings a lot sooner than most. After a short stint in college, I decided that the workforce was the best place for me. I started my business career early and climbed the proverbial ladder, rung by rung, with lots of successes and challenges along the way.
I married a wonderful guy. A guy that drank a lot of beer. I didn't drink, so I was the designated driver and thought it would be something that would die out over time. While I didn't pick up that habit, I did, however, pick up the smoking habit that he had. I decided one day after ten years, and several previous tries to quit, that I needed to quit for good. I didn't enjoy it. The price was going through the roof for a pack of cigarettes, and I wanted to run. I knew the running would keep me quit at least. And, it did. While he did end up going sober, he did it for me, and not for him. When a person quits something as insidious as an addiction to alcohol, they need to quit for themselves first and foremost. By this time, I was now addicted to my running. I ran marathon after marathon. I didn't see it then, but I was running away. We worked hard to push past all the hurt from both sides, but alas, it didn't last. We didn't have any kids, so after a few months, our communication naturally died out. He had moved on with a lovely woman whom he is still with today.
I on the other hand, stumbled my way through the dating scene which was more of a chaotic disaster than anything else. I was still running like a mad woman, not realizing I was running away from myself. The more I ran, the more I only saw myself as "a runner". In and out of relationships that just didn't feel right, look right, or sound right... I stayed in one entirely too long for both of our sanity, and I began to drink. I drank because I thought I needed to or else I'd lose him. Little did I know, that was the beginning of completely losing myself. Of losing friends. Of losing my moxie. The more I drank, the funnier I thought I was. The cooler I thought I was. The more I thought I was accepted. So.Not.True.
Fast forward a few years and I was on my way to moving to Key West. My dream! I had my job approved to move, I sold my car, I cut my lease short, and even had a place to live. And guess what? I was moving to the booziest city on the east coast. I'd blend in. Be the life of the party. Being buzzed and drunk was life down there. I could also run in a running skirt and tank top all year round! Nobody knew me down there. I could invent a new me. Pretend to have the moxie I used to. I could live a carefree life where I didn't have to be attached to anyone. Then... life had other plans for me. I met my now husband during the last two weeks of my subscription on an online dating site. I thought, what the heck, I'm moving, nothing serious will come of it anyway. Hello.... marriage and three bonus kids.
Over four years of being married, my drinking became worse, my running started to really suck, my health took a hit, and my body image was horrific to me. My life was on auto-pilot. I loved my husband and the kids. I had a great life, a great career, a rockin' family with to-die-for friends. I was functioning, but to what extent?
My moxie was gone.
I needed to find it again. And fast. Over three years ago, I went vegan. First, it was for health. I immediately started to feel better, lighter, happier, brighter. I was now hungry for knowledge. I needed to know everything nutrition. My plant-based lifestyle quickly turned into a vegan lifestyle. I went to the Institute of Integrative Nutrition for more knowledge on nutrition and health. Their program offered an integrative health coaching certification which I received in 2018. That same year, I received my certification in Vegan Lifestyle Coaching and Education from Main Street Vegan Academy. I knew it wasn’t just about health anymore. It was about humanity, animal rights, the environment, and so much more. I thought I was ready! Let’s go coach! Not so fast… There was this dark looming cloud that still followed me. Something that kept me from putting myself out there. Being confident. Being… me.
That luscious Belgian beer. What once was a couple of times a week (mostly on weekends) habit, was now on a nightly basis. She was my security blanket, my calming elixir, the happy drink, the "I'm cool" drink, the long sigh after the first sip at the end of the workday. You know what? It SO wasn't those things. It was my memory taker, my anxiety producer. It was my wake-up call at 3AM, every.single.night to remind me of the shame of passing out on the couch in front of the kids and the guilt of knowing I didn't remember the conversations I had with them or my husband (or even worse, with my parents or Grandmother on the phone). It was the beer bitch and she was nasty and cruel. It certainly wasn’t bringing my moxie back. It wasn’t bringing my running back. And it wasn’t good for the ol’ waistline either.
I needed to change my story. I needed my moxie. I can’t count how many times I quit and went back. Moderation for me is not an option. It just doesn’t work. I know I'm an all or nothing person. I'd rather have nothing of the beer bitch, than all of her. I didn’t hit the proverbial “rock bottom”, but I certainly did get pretty low and dark. I did something that I still am so ashamed of that, to this day, I cannot put to paper. I knew something desperately needed to change - quickly - before that rock bottom actually showed up.
Enter 2020. The year of everything not normal. The year of quarantines and a pandemic. The year I colored my own life and reclaimed my moxie.
There were six of us who decided to do Dry January. I think we all pretty much made it with a slip or two. I was white knuckling my way through that whole month. I could not wait to get to February so I could get shit-faced to catch up on all that I thought I missed out on in January. Bring on February 2nd (Superbowl Sunday)! Boy did that beer go down quick. So did the next three or four (I lost count). I don't remember a lot of that evening, but I know I fell a couple of times and left a shoe at my friends house. So much fun getting a text the next day of your shoe... And seeing all the lovely pictures that were taken (by me apparently) that I don't remember. I thought, okay, got that out of my system! Back to "normal drinking."
Before Dry January, my drinking had been already escalating. I was drinking every day. I mean, EVERY day. At least two beers a day. That may not sound like a lot, but they were 9.5% alcohol beers. I'm 117 pounds. That two turned into three real quick. Covid hit, and that three became three and a half, then four. The blackouts started, the memory lapses became more frequent. 5 o'clock somewhere took on a whole new meaning.
As the months went on and the shame and guilt bore down on my shoulders more and more every day, I knew I had to quit. When I went vegan, there was a switch that was flipped in my head. There wasn't a question of when I'll ever eat animal products again. It was, I can't ever eat animal products ever again. And that puts it right out of my mind. Done. I had to do the same with drinking.
I picked a date and I quit drinking. The switch was found and had been flipped and I was ready to move forward with life. It's not easy. It's never easy. The first week was torture. I quit on a Monday before a holiday weekend. That Friday, the cravings were harsh. I pushed through them. I played the movie in my head. If I drink one, I'll drink 4 and before I know it the weekend will be gone and I'll be left with no memories and feeling rather shitty. One needs to find their "why" and that has to be bigger than the crave for more drink. I found my "why." My why keeps me moving forward. Now with a purpose. Now staying in the present and understanding my life…what got me here; why I got here; how I got here. The “who” got me here is easy. That’s all on me. First step – take accountability. Take responsibility.
Fast forward and I decided to go back to school for my professional coaching certification and recovery coaching certification. I needed it just as much for myself as I do for you. Let me be that partner on your adventure. Let’s get your life colorful again and Reclaim Your Moxie® together - a passionate, fulfilling, and healthy life. What can I do to help you along this path? Please do reach out. I’d love to hear from you!
Before I sign off, I'd like to leave you with this quote I found written in one of my many started-but-didn't-get-very-far journals: "The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No-one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins." - Bob Moawad
Yours in health and happiness,
Dana
When I was a budding, carefree girl, I wanted to be “that” puppeteer on Sesame Street. I wanted to pretend with fun, colorful, furry critters, making them come to life... giving them “moxie.” I remembered the wonder I had while I watched, mesmerized by how the characters spoke and sang. How they moved. How they interacted with one another. The puppets always had their story of who they are and their colorful personalities brought to life. There were also the stories and interactions with one another and other humans that taught a lesson on how to be a better person. How to say you're sorry if you hurt someone. How please and thank you went a very long way. Teaching respect for others even if they were not like us or we didn't agree with them. While I didn’t end up pursuing that dream, I always had that moxie within me. That spark. That unicorn spirit.
Adulthood came along a lot quicker than I thought it would. I'm an only child, so I always felt a little "older" than most kids my age. Purely from the standpoint of having four first cousins, all older, and on my mom's side, no other children, I had to communicate in adult settings a lot sooner than most. After a short stint in college, I decided that the workforce was the best place for me. I started my business career early and climbed the proverbial ladder, rung by rung, with lots of successes and challenges along the way.
I married a wonderful guy. A guy that drank a lot of beer. I didn't drink, so I was the designated driver and thought it would be something that would die out over time. While I didn't pick up that habit, I did, however, pick up the smoking habit that he had. I decided one day after ten years, and several previous tries to quit, that I needed to quit for good. I didn't enjoy it. The price was going through the roof for a pack of cigarettes, and I wanted to run. I knew the running would keep me quit at least. And, it did. While he did end up going sober, he did it for me, and not for him. When a person quits something as insidious as an addiction to alcohol, they need to quit for themselves first and foremost. By this time, I was now addicted to my running. I ran marathon after marathon. I didn't see it then, but I was running away. We worked hard to push past all the hurt from both sides, but alas, it didn't last. We didn't have any kids, so after a few months, our communication naturally died out. He had moved on with a lovely woman whom he is still with today.
I on the other hand, stumbled my way through the dating scene which was more of a chaotic disaster than anything else. I was still running like a mad woman, not realizing I was running away from myself. The more I ran, the more I only saw myself as "a runner". In and out of relationships that just didn't feel right, look right, or sound right... I stayed in one entirely too long for both of our sanity, and I began to drink. I drank because I thought I needed to or else I'd lose him. Little did I know, that was the beginning of completely losing myself. Of losing friends. Of losing my moxie. The more I drank, the funnier I thought I was. The cooler I thought I was. The more I thought I was accepted. So.Not.True.
Fast forward a few years and I was on my way to moving to Key West. My dream! I had my job approved to move, I sold my car, I cut my lease short, and even had a place to live. And guess what? I was moving to the booziest city on the east coast. I'd blend in. Be the life of the party. Being buzzed and drunk was life down there. I could also run in a running skirt and tank top all year round! Nobody knew me down there. I could invent a new me. Pretend to have the moxie I used to. I could live a carefree life where I didn't have to be attached to anyone. Then... life had other plans for me. I met my now husband during the last two weeks of my subscription on an online dating site. I thought, what the heck, I'm moving, nothing serious will come of it anyway. Hello.... marriage and three bonus kids.
Over four years of being married, my drinking became worse, my running started to really suck, my health took a hit, and my body image was horrific to me. My life was on auto-pilot. I loved my husband and the kids. I had a great life, a great career, a rockin' family with to-die-for friends. I was functioning, but to what extent?
My moxie was gone.
I needed to find it again. And fast. Over three years ago, I went vegan. First, it was for health. I immediately started to feel better, lighter, happier, brighter. I was now hungry for knowledge. I needed to know everything nutrition. My plant-based lifestyle quickly turned into a vegan lifestyle. I went to the Institute of Integrative Nutrition for more knowledge on nutrition and health. Their program offered an integrative health coaching certification which I received in 2018. That same year, I received my certification in Vegan Lifestyle Coaching and Education from Main Street Vegan Academy. I knew it wasn’t just about health anymore. It was about humanity, animal rights, the environment, and so much more. I thought I was ready! Let’s go coach! Not so fast… There was this dark looming cloud that still followed me. Something that kept me from putting myself out there. Being confident. Being… me.
That luscious Belgian beer. What once was a couple of times a week (mostly on weekends) habit, was now on a nightly basis. She was my security blanket, my calming elixir, the happy drink, the "I'm cool" drink, the long sigh after the first sip at the end of the workday. You know what? It SO wasn't those things. It was my memory taker, my anxiety producer. It was my wake-up call at 3AM, every.single.night to remind me of the shame of passing out on the couch in front of the kids and the guilt of knowing I didn't remember the conversations I had with them or my husband (or even worse, with my parents or Grandmother on the phone). It was the beer bitch and she was nasty and cruel. It certainly wasn’t bringing my moxie back. It wasn’t bringing my running back. And it wasn’t good for the ol’ waistline either.
I needed to change my story. I needed my moxie. I can’t count how many times I quit and went back. Moderation for me is not an option. It just doesn’t work. I know I'm an all or nothing person. I'd rather have nothing of the beer bitch, than all of her. I didn’t hit the proverbial “rock bottom”, but I certainly did get pretty low and dark. I did something that I still am so ashamed of that, to this day, I cannot put to paper. I knew something desperately needed to change - quickly - before that rock bottom actually showed up.
Enter 2020. The year of everything not normal. The year of quarantines and a pandemic. The year I colored my own life and reclaimed my moxie.
There were six of us who decided to do Dry January. I think we all pretty much made it with a slip or two. I was white knuckling my way through that whole month. I could not wait to get to February so I could get shit-faced to catch up on all that I thought I missed out on in January. Bring on February 2nd (Superbowl Sunday)! Boy did that beer go down quick. So did the next three or four (I lost count). I don't remember a lot of that evening, but I know I fell a couple of times and left a shoe at my friends house. So much fun getting a text the next day of your shoe... And seeing all the lovely pictures that were taken (by me apparently) that I don't remember. I thought, okay, got that out of my system! Back to "normal drinking."
Before Dry January, my drinking had been already escalating. I was drinking every day. I mean, EVERY day. At least two beers a day. That may not sound like a lot, but they were 9.5% alcohol beers. I'm 117 pounds. That two turned into three real quick. Covid hit, and that three became three and a half, then four. The blackouts started, the memory lapses became more frequent. 5 o'clock somewhere took on a whole new meaning.
As the months went on and the shame and guilt bore down on my shoulders more and more every day, I knew I had to quit. When I went vegan, there was a switch that was flipped in my head. There wasn't a question of when I'll ever eat animal products again. It was, I can't ever eat animal products ever again. And that puts it right out of my mind. Done. I had to do the same with drinking.
I picked a date and I quit drinking. The switch was found and had been flipped and I was ready to move forward with life. It's not easy. It's never easy. The first week was torture. I quit on a Monday before a holiday weekend. That Friday, the cravings were harsh. I pushed through them. I played the movie in my head. If I drink one, I'll drink 4 and before I know it the weekend will be gone and I'll be left with no memories and feeling rather shitty. One needs to find their "why" and that has to be bigger than the crave for more drink. I found my "why." My why keeps me moving forward. Now with a purpose. Now staying in the present and understanding my life…what got me here; why I got here; how I got here. The “who” got me here is easy. That’s all on me. First step – take accountability. Take responsibility.
Fast forward and I decided to go back to school for my professional coaching certification and recovery coaching certification. I needed it just as much for myself as I do for you. Let me be that partner on your adventure. Let’s get your life colorful again and Reclaim Your Moxie® together - a passionate, fulfilling, and healthy life. What can I do to help you along this path? Please do reach out. I’d love to hear from you!
Before I sign off, I'd like to leave you with this quote I found written in one of my many started-but-didn't-get-very-far journals: "The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No-one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins." - Bob Moawad
Yours in health and happiness,
Dana
Hey wait! What's the meaning of your logo?
After finding sobriety, I wanted something to speak to the freedom and new beginnings I found. Two things that spoke to my heart right away. The key and the hummingbird.
The key meant unlocking my freedom from addiction. Freedom to love myself as I am, flaws and all. It unlocked a life I remembered being stowed away so long ago to hide pain, guilt, shame, and everything else I should have faced and dealt with head on. What happened when I used the key? Immersion into my authentic self, feeling all the emotions, putting to rest all those things that made me, not me. Color rushed back into my life. Passion oozed into everything I felt nothing for. Guess what else it unlocked....you guessed it. My moxie.
The hummingbird has many meanings and myths surrounding its wee little soul. That being said, first and foremost, how can you not see the moxie this little creature exudes out of every colorful, little feather! Have you seen how fast and how far these beautiful souls move? Do you feel the positive, innocent energy when you see one? Every time I see a person come upon a hummingbird, I see the innocent excitement that washes over them - washes over ME - bringing a happiness and an inner peace at the amazement of such a small wonder. It, for a moment, brings back the moxie.
Wouldn't you like to have that moxie within you every day? I would. And, I do.
Read more here about the mythology and different meanings of this precious little creature.
After finding sobriety, I wanted something to speak to the freedom and new beginnings I found. Two things that spoke to my heart right away. The key and the hummingbird.
The key meant unlocking my freedom from addiction. Freedom to love myself as I am, flaws and all. It unlocked a life I remembered being stowed away so long ago to hide pain, guilt, shame, and everything else I should have faced and dealt with head on. What happened when I used the key? Immersion into my authentic self, feeling all the emotions, putting to rest all those things that made me, not me. Color rushed back into my life. Passion oozed into everything I felt nothing for. Guess what else it unlocked....you guessed it. My moxie.
The hummingbird has many meanings and myths surrounding its wee little soul. That being said, first and foremost, how can you not see the moxie this little creature exudes out of every colorful, little feather! Have you seen how fast and how far these beautiful souls move? Do you feel the positive, innocent energy when you see one? Every time I see a person come upon a hummingbird, I see the innocent excitement that washes over them - washes over ME - bringing a happiness and an inner peace at the amazement of such a small wonder. It, for a moment, brings back the moxie.
Wouldn't you like to have that moxie within you every day? I would. And, I do.
Read more here about the mythology and different meanings of this precious little creature.
CERTIFICATIONS AND EDUCATION:
Southern New Hampshire University - BA Psychology with Addictions Focus - 2024
International Association of Professional Recovery Coaches - Life Coaching, 2020 / Recovery Coaching, 2021
Certified Facilitator in Addiction Awareness - 2021
University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology: Martin E. P. Seligman’s Visionary Science, 2020
Institute for Integrative Nutrition - Certification, 2018 / Master Certification, 2019
Main Street Vegan Academy - Certification VLCE, 2018 / Master Certification MVE, 2020
Southern New Hampshire University - BA Psychology with Addictions Focus - 2024
International Association of Professional Recovery Coaches - Life Coaching, 2020 / Recovery Coaching, 2021
Certified Facilitator in Addiction Awareness - 2021
University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology: Martin E. P. Seligman’s Visionary Science, 2020
Institute for Integrative Nutrition - Certification, 2018 / Master Certification, 2019
Main Street Vegan Academy - Certification VLCE, 2018 / Master Certification MVE, 2020
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