o·ver·whelm
/ˌōvərˈ(h)welm/
 
verb
overwhelm; 3rd person present: overwhelms; past tense: overwhelmed; past participle: overwhelmed; gerund or present participle: overwhelming

• bury or drown beneath a huge mass. "the water flowed through to overwhelm the whole dam and the village beneath"
• defeat completely. "his teams overwhelmed their opponents"
• give too much of a thing to (someone); inundate. "they were overwhelmed by farewell messages"
  

 
Or, in my case, burning the candle at five ends when it only has two. I know this may seem like complaining, but it truly isn’t. Hear me out, I promise!
 
I am 250% driven to make my coaching business a success. In doing so, many things must happen and fall into place to be successful.

1. I must stay focused on my day job. It is important work and I am integral to the team. I need to stay clear and focused on my team’s mission and the job at hand during the day. I am as important to Oracle as it is to me.
2. While I already have enough credentials in my Betsey Johnson purse to be more than successful, two items need completion – not just because I want more credentials. Because I want the knowledge and understanding to help others get through what I did. And, to help those that haven’t been through what I have, to understand it without stigma and judgment.
3. Artwork that has been commissioned must be completed. It must be, however, completed with the utmost of care, love, focus, and mindfulness that the piece AND the receiver deserves.
4. Family. They deserve my time and attention as well. A night of Boggle or making mini bundt cakes is just as important as learning to facilitate a room full of corporate professionals learning about addiction awareness.
5. Friends. They, too, deserve my time and attention. Now, more than ever, I need their support and I desire their company. Being sober brings a whole new level of love and cherishment I have for my friendships.
6. My health. If this is not a priority, none of the above will get accomplished. Period.

 
There are days, like today, I feel like my head and my to-do list are going 110 mph. In every direction. I want to follow every direction, too! I’m so excited to be of such clear mind and full of passion and moxie to live this life I am dreaming for myself. I also know that it needs time, nurturing, mindfulness, small steps, small wins, and maybe a roller-skating adventure in the near future for good measure. Who’s with me?!
 
So, today, I sit back, I focus on my day job. Make sure I have everything in place to carry me through the meetings I need to attend, and that my projects are moving forward and are up to date.
 
I make plans for the coming days for everything else that’s on the list. They will be there tomorrow for me to noodle, work on, and move my dream closer to reality. Don’t let that fool you to think I’m procrastinating or pushing things off. There’s a difference in pushing things off (negative) vs making room for them in the coming days so that I have a clear mind and clear focus to really concentrate and put full effort into each item (positive).
 
Are you feeling overwhelmed these days? Do you have a plan? Are you making steps to make that dream a reality or are you pushing it off to “someday”. Stop pushing it off and make “someday” today.

I was trying to find something fun and kitschy to blog about on this Friday afternoon. I was scrolling back through my pictures to this time last year. I was going to post a picture of me on a cruise double-fisting it with two Coronas, but then came across this comic strip. I love the guy who created these characters and I adore how they “speak”.

It took me a moment to “get” what they were going on about. The “mild poison”. Then it hit me. They’re at the bar. Last year I found this absolutely hilarious. And, in some ways, I still do. It doesn’t offend me, and I’m sure there are a bunch of sober folks that will be offended that I’m not all that offended.

But, it brings to light just how mainstream alcohol is in our global society – and universe if you’re following these little guys. And, that they’re actually calling it “poison” – which it is. And, how much more mainstream it has become during this pandemic.

Women and men alike drinking their sorrows, their stress, their time they’d otherwise be spending with their families or friends out amongst other folks, intermingling, being active, and getting fresh air. They have been affected by keeping up with their full time jobs that now seem to have no start or end times, homeschooling (what is common core anyway?), being chefs creating meal after meal and hunted down for snacks that no-one can see sitting right in front of them. The dog and cat sitter, the doctor, and, everything else under the sun that the household needs. Women have turned to “wine time” which has moved from 6PM to 3:30 or 4PM. Men have turned to “beer me” just as early.

How do we turn this epidemic on its head? How do we help those that are silently struggling with their alcohol consumption?  How do we help those that had habits that are now slowly turning to abuse?

Not everyone gets or is addicted. Not everyone has an issue. But, there’s more of us out there than there needs to be. The continued bombardment of commercials, shows, and new confounded beers, wines, and liquors keeps us coming back for more and keeps us from the ever so terrifying “FOMO”.

What are really missing out on anyway? The hangover? The blackouts? The stupid non-filtered words that end up coming out of our mouths? The bruises we wake up with that we have no clue where they came from? For those that are struggling, I implore you… you are missing out on much more being sober than using the bottle to drown out the slog of every day pandemic life.

I wouldn’t have rediscovered my moxie. I wouldn’t have decided I needed to get my certifications in recovery coaching and corporate facilitation. I wouldn’t have realized this absolute zest for life that I had been missing out on for the past 11 years.

So, while I adore these little aliens, I do not adore the drink they find ever allusive. Not anymore.

If you think you are struggling with a little too much drink, or know deep in your soul you really need to re-evaluate your relationship with alcohol, go for it. You may feel the FOMO for a little while, but once you find your moxie and yourself again, you’ll have no “FO” anymore.

I am more than fortunate with my position at my company. I get (well, at least I used to!) to travel quite frequently for my job. During one of my trips to Chicago three years ago this week actually, it was freezing with the wind whipping off the lake. Even though it was ridiculously cold that trip, we still walked almost everywhere and soaked in everything we could in the few days we were there.

Chicago amazes me and terrifies me. It’s beautiful, yet can look so ferocious with its extremely tall buildings and there’s just so.much.cement.

I took this picture on our way back from a spectacular hidden speak easy. The fog, mist, and multi colored lights coming from the buildings made Chicago beautiful. It made the city quiet if just for a moment.
I had many amazing moments on this trip. The Bean, Buddy Guy’s Blues club where I was actually in tears because the music was so welcoming to my ears and soul. I can’t wait to start traveling again.  

If only for a moment… I fell in love with Chicago. I look forward to making my way to back once again to tug at my heartstrings.

What city, while beautiful and wonderful, do you feel a pull to go back to even though you're not in love with it?

I’m feeling a little down today. Maybe I’m doing too much. My mind is overwhelmed with all the things I want to accomplish. Not only in my up and coming coaching business, but in my professional career, and personal life. All of a sudden, I feel like time is going by waaaayyyyy too fast and I’m desperately trying to catch up for all I feel I have not accomplished in this precious life that I was given.

A feeling of frustration has been with me all weekend. It wasn’t just one thing. Many things culminated into that feeling, which, unintentionally projected onto others in my life. My husband said I was projecting a very negative energy on Saturday and I inadvertently offended a close friend in a text on Sunday that I immediately realized how it came off and apologized. This morning I woke up to a response on one of my posts that had me puzzled, and I paused before responding, and posted what I thought was a thoughtful response. They later deleted the thread.

I’m highly aware of how I’m feeling and do try to keep it within myself when I feel like this. I also know it is okay to feel like this. None of us can or should be happy all.the.time. We are human. We have emotions and feelings, good and bad, and those are what make us who we are. If we are aware, we can learn from the bad, and we can share the good.

Unfortunately, over the weekend, I unintentionally shared the bad. In that, I’ve learned to apologize and I also know better that I need to just retreat into my space for a while and re-balance myself. Re-balancing will have to wait until later today as it is, after all, Monday, and work doesn’t stop, fitness doesn’t stop, life doesn’t stop.
The good will be back tomorrow. This I know. The frustration and melancholy doesn’t last for long these days (thank goodness). Make sure to take care of yourself. Be aware of your own energy and what you’re putting into the universe. To those that get frustrated with others that seem to be otherwise “okay”, know that they just may not be aware of how they are projecting and a bit of kindness goes a long way. I’m thankful for those that were honest with me and gave me the bit of kindness I needed to step back and regroup.

It’d be great if life was just a giant fluffy bunny. But, that would get boring now, wouldn’t it. Sometimes a porcupine is needed in the mix to wake up your awareness.

Carry on my tribe!

Even as a vegan, I can struggle to get enough fresh veggies and fruits. I always come back from the store hopeful I will create wonderful, colorful dishes throughout the week from my purchase in the produce section. Yet, come Friday, the wilted, sad, uneaten veggies stare back at me from the fridge.

I know that if I don’t meal prep, I won’t eat healthy, and I see the money wasted in the resentful veggies that go uneaten.

If I have the veggies all cut up and ready to go, I know that throwing together a meal will take a quarter of the time and will be an easy peasy, colorful, nutritious meal.

How do you stay healthy during the week? Are you eating the rainbow? I can’t wait to create this week!

I don’t know about you, but it’s been a long week! A week of challenges, excitement, workouts, laughter, stress, and pure exhaustion. I was present for every single second of it and wouldn’t trade it in for the world.
 
I remember when I couldn’t wait for Friday to come because then I knew at least when I drank it was “acceptable”. It was my free ticket to blend in and to numb myself from all the feels that happened during the week. Only… I was numbing myself every day from all those feels. Friday, for all intents and purposes, was just another day of drinking for me. Another day of not wanting to really feel anything. Not wanting to be present. How sad and dismal is that. As I type that, the realization of what I had been doing to myself (and those that love me), all these years was a big sham. Pretending to be fun and engaged. Quick witted with snarky comments that I thought were hilarious (they were not).
 
Now, I truly am present. I have real fun and I engage with my full heart and intentions. The moxie is back and in full force. I may not be as quit witted, but I still do have some snarky remarks which I really do think are hilarious now (and probably still are not). All the feels are real, raw, authentic, and they are part of who I am and who I am becoming as we all evolve along our life path in some form or another, even if it’s just a wee bit each day. So now, when Friday comes along, and the Friday Feels are upon me, I welcome them in, I sit with them, and I can look back on the week and relish in the good, and learn from the challenges.
 
What are your Friday Feels today?

What crazy, unique hobby do you have that everyone around you thinks is absolutely nuts, terrifying, or absolutely fabulous? I’ve been told my doll collection (seen behind me is about two thirds of my collection), by many folks that it is nuts, terrifying, and absolutely fabulous.
 
What makes one collection so very different to different people? What draws people to them and what, quite literally, makes them run in horror? It’s the Kewpies that get most people. My little (and some big!) angelic cherubs with a hair dollop on top of their head and their innocent eyes either gazing right or left. To me, they are the sweetest, most innocent of my dolls, yet they are the ones that terrify so many. Others are fascinated by the sheer amount of dolls I have, and that alone, makes it fabulous, fun, and unique.
 
I believe we can equate this to people, too. Don’t you think? To one person, someone may look to be the sweetest, most innocent of humans. But to someone else, they may seem like the devil. How is it that we can be so different to others, yet feel the same and no different to ourselves? Do we project different personalities without even realizing it? Do some see our innocence from the outside, but others feel something more dark beneath? What about my actual “creepy” dolls like Sasha (the one with no eyes who sings Silent Night), or Chucky and his Bride? They seem menacing from the outside, but what lies beneath could be complete innocence. In this regard, people will fear others that look menacing or angry on the outside and won’t go near them, let alone interact with them. Yet, others can sense that their looks are not who they really are on the inside and will go near and will interact with them.
 
Addiction can be like this. The Sasha. The Chucky. We see the addict on the outside. We see their pain. We see the ugliness of what controls them. We see their sadness and want of a better life. We also tend not to go near them. We tend to not want to interact with them. They scare us. We think that they are bad or evil. We have to remember that they weren’t always like this. They were innocent kids, or teenagers, or even adults. Some life trauma event happened where they needed to numb their pain or grief. They thought that alcohol or other substances could help relax them so they didn’t have to think about it. Before they know it, they lose control of their use of alcohol or other substance. Their life may spin out of control which makes their use even worse. No-one wants to be here. No-one wants to be an addict.
 
Or addiction can be like this. The Kewpie. We see someone who is a high-functioning, intelligent, athletic person who has their shit together. Yet, they too, had a life trauma that started them spinning out of control with alcohol or some other substance. It may take longer for them to feel out of control because they haven’t lost their job or family. They haven’t gotten a DUI or been thrown in jail. Yet, they find themselves drinking every day. They all of a sudden find themselves drinking more and more. Possibly having blackouts. Not remembering things they do, things they’ve said, how they got home. They may be the lucky ones who can figure it out on their own and get help.
 
Either way, it's a ridiculously hard road back to pre-addict. People need help to guide them back. They need joyful connections from their friends and family and people willing to look beyond the outer shell. If you know anyone in active addiction, make sure to look beyond the shell. Look beyond the desperation and anguish - or what you think may be a perfect life - and know there is a pre-addict in there waiting to come back. Be a joyful connection for them. If you cannot, find someone who can.   xoxo

“You don’t have to pray for a damn miracle. You are the fucking miracle.” I saw this on my Instagram feed over the weekend. This is a fabulous follow-on to my post about YOU being the answer. We are our own answer and we are our own miracle.
 
In 2013, I trained my ass off (literally!) for a 100 mile run in the Keys. I was SO ready, and my crew was ready to get me to that finish line. I trained smart, and I trained hard. Eight days before the race, I was doing a mid-day run for the heat. It was 90 degrees and I was 8 miles into a 10 mile run. I was feeling great, I was in a happy mood, and then all of a sudden I heard it. The pop of a muscle tearing. My calf. I collapsed to the asphalt not knowing what the hell just happened. When I tried to get up, my leg buckled from the pain. I was a mile from my car, in seething pain, and now sobbing. I managed to limp back to my car. I sat in my car, windows shut, 125 degrees in the baking heat, crying so hard I thought my eyelids were going to be permanently inside out. There was a knock on my window. A very concerned woman looking onward asking if I was okay and needed help. I assured her I was fine and that I’d be okay. I wasn’t.
 
I phoned my mom. My dad. My crew chief. I found a chiro who did ART therapy which I ended up getting done almost every day before the race. There was no way I wasn’t toeing that line. I wasn’t letting myself, my crew, or anyone else down. The day came, I toed the line, and off we went. I made it 50 miles in 96 degree heat before I figured I’d better stop before I’d never run again. My miracle was knowing to stop whether I wanted to or not. I had to. For myself. I became my own miracle that day. I did the right thing. Guess where that got me… I came back even stronger and finished that 100 mile race the next year in 26 hours.
 
What miracle did you prove to yourself to know YOU are the miracle? Please, share! I’d love to know!