Dear Cousin

I read these words at 1:06am. To say the effect of these words had on me was profound is an understatement.
 
I am still processing through the tears of a pure joyful connection that is happening in my brain and in my soul. 
 
I cannot express the feeling these words have sparked within me. We all have self-talk. Those words of “You’re not deserving of this pure love”. “You’re not good enough for someone to actually feel this way for you.” “How could they feel like this for me when I don’t feel this for me.”
 
The profoundness that this is evoking within me is not those words above. The profoundness that this is evoking within me is acceptance of these words. The true feeling and emotion from these words. The love from these words.
 
I am good enough to be what these words say. I am genuinely loved in the way these words have been spoken. I can fully accept these words and say thank you to my cousin for telling me these words. Normally, the first thing I would reply with is thank you and I love you so much and something I love about her too. And every word I would say I would mean it from the heart.
 
But I would then most likely launch into words such as, “you didn’t need to say that.” Or “you’re crazy, how could you feel that way about me.” Or “it’s just little ol me, but thank you.”
 
Not this time. This time I get to respond being fully present and free of the self-talk. I get to respond fully from the heart.
 
Dear cousin, your words have made such a profound imprint on my heart and in my soul. My love for you has always been special and unique. Being only children, we have always had a special bond with one another even when we haven’t spoken in a while. It was always you I couldn’t wait to see at the reunions every year. It was always you I couldn’t wait to see at the mall when we were both old enough to get jobs. It was you who I dragged to the Dominican Republic when my life was turned upside down. It was you that always would pop up with words of encouragement when you didn’t even know I needed to hear them the most at that particular time.
 
Dear cousin, your words have made me realize I have so much to give to others. To advocate for others. To show love and gratitude for others. Your words have brought a quiet confidence to me to continue to be an inspiration for you. For others. For myself.
 
Dear cousin, these 31 words mean I am worthy. I am loved. I am a treasured cousin.
 
Dear cousin, I love you with a fierceness of purpose and joy.
 
Dear cousin.